We used to sit with only a few feet between us and here we are 2,408 miles apart. Still twelve years apart in age. She is now 23 and me, 35. There used to be a power difference. I, a licensed clinical social worker, and she was a student. We met for the first time in the school cafeteria. I was a contracted clinical therapist for a local public middle school. The school was not required to provide me with a formal, clean office, just responsible for providing me with a room to meet with students who were referred for social and emotional therapy. I ended up that first year with practically a storage room for space just off the side of the cafeteria. 

Thousands of miles apart, meeting again now, through a video screen. We both signed on around 3:00pm EST, 12:00pm PST. Her name, Imani George (originally from Baltimore, MD). She showed up with a bright smile, long locs, and yellow accessories in her hair. She had a backdrop of swimming fish, and appeared eager and excited to talk, again, this time not to set goals or fix anything, this time to give insight, to align, as equals. The way I see it, we no longer had these designated roles to uphold, even though social work ethics may say otherwise. 

We revisited our contact. Imani had friended me on LinkedIn about two years ago, long after our last contact as therapist and client. At the time I was hesitant to accept the friend request because can an old therapist be “friends” and “follow” each other on social media? I still do not have an answer, though at the same time I was extremely curious. Where is she now? How often do we, in the helping profession, get to know what happens to clients who we no longer work with. Five years had gone by and I was able to see her job title “mental health technician!” 

Now that seven years have gone by, she has agreed to chat with me about her experience. Imani remembers that she was referred for therapy following suicidal ideation and comments she had made to “kill herself” while at school to the guidance counselor. She shared her memory of her mother being informed and taking her to be evaluated at a local crisis center. Imani was not admitted for more restrictive observation though was recommended for weekly out-patient mental health therapy. Imani and her mother and I met for the first time when she was in 8th grade in 2014. Imani shared that she remembers being nervous and mistrusting. She states with a chuckle that having therapy with me allowed her to miss lunch and class. She recalled feeling lonely in school and did not have any friends. She recounted her experience with bullying in elementary up through middle school and being transferred to this specific school in 8th grade. She did not know anyone and she felt “like an outsider, even though I looked just like them.”  

Imani reports that she was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and a learning disability when she was seven years old. She disclosed that it was years before she was put into the appropriate classes for her learning needs. She detailed her struggles in class and the way teachers viewed and labeled her as “off-task” when in reality she was struggling with her comprehension. She bravely told me that she was considered “dumb” and her educational testing led her to believe what others said about her was true. She said other students called her “bricks,” which she believed meant “dumb as bricks.” ADHD along with a learning disorder that is not properly accommodated can easily lead to emotional challenges, isolation, depression, irritability, low sense of self, and more. 

During our discussion Imani was pleasant and bright in her demeanor. She displayed eye contact and poise. She was open in sharing her favorite memory of therapy with me, a time in which she was able to create and decorate an Easter basket. I told her how she challenged me as a therapist because she often questioned the value in some of the activities and topics we discussed. Many times the students teach me more than I teach them. 

Imani graduated from middle school and continued to meet me at a local McDonald’s so we could ensure our sessions continued. She walked almost a mile on her own. She shared that she remembered I used to have dark hair and looked like “Avril Lavigne.” Imani enjoyed design, make-up, and longed to belong. 

Eventually we no longer could sustain holding sessions at the local McDonald’s and it was difficult for her to get to the office. I remembered once she called me by phone while I was in the office in an attempt to have a session. She was raised by a single mother who worked full-time and was not able to drive her to the office. I remember the pleas to be seen. Heard. And understood. Feeling helpless, powerless, and uneasy. It’s in those moments that our humanness aligns. I was also juggling a large caseload, paperwork, and the verge of burnout. I wonder now if I could have made more time for her?  We did not see or talk again until her request on LinkedIn. During our course of time working together she knew I got married, she knew me when I was pregnant with my son. She wanted to know my interests. She saw me as a person. I hope she knows I always saw her as one too even as I grapple with the ethical boundaries. 

During the present video chat, Imani shared about her challenges in college. She noted that she did see a therapist again around age 19. She emphasized the importance of the therapeutic relationship. She said “Sometimes it will take going from therapist to therapist to find one that will really click. I still haven't found it….be patient, it’s not an overnight thing, healing takes years.” 

Imani is currently a flight attendant living in Las Vega though reported that she will be leaving the job to return to the mental health field. She enthusiastically spoke about her passion for social work and aspiration to become a licensed therapist with a private practice one day. She dreams, she wonders, and she is transcending her trauma history into something of purpose to help others. Imani stated one of her favorite quotes, from the Lion King “oh yes, the past can hurt, but you can either run from it or learn from it.” 

Not every client we help will have an inspiring story, though everyone we help has a story. That story is worth being shared. I often question why we pay someone to really get to know us, to see us, empathize, and offer that unconditional positive regard? Why must we require a diagnosis for our needs to be met? Ultimately they are needs; emotional connection, safety, understanding, acceptance, compassion, and love are needs. Similar to Imani’s story, needs get missed and the appropriate accommodations take a long process to obtain. Imani also recognizes the disparity within the mental health field when it comes to teens and children receiving the support they need. She states there needs to be more BIPOC therapists. 

Imani says “If there is a young adult or young female teenager who reads this, I want them to know this: challenge yourself, do not stay in your comfort zone, if you want to go sky-diving go sky-diving, travel to italy: travel to italy, paint your nails black, do it. Do not overshare too much, some people have good intentions and some not so much. Privacy is protection and peace.”

This is written and shared with permission.